I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
