if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
