other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
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When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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