Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
