Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
