I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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