with your own penis?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
