The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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