I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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