ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
