I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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