I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
