At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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