I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You pole danced in your parka.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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