The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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