Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I believe in your delicious
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
