Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
