just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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