I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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