Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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