Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize