I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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