You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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