wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How external is "for external use only"?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
