Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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