oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
