if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
