Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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