God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
sarcasm needs its own font
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
