it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
