walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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