I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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