The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
