Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
