I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
