TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
