Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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