Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i barfeds in our rink
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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