Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
