I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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