I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
