where am i from again
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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