I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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