So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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