i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
