Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
