Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
did i just pee glitter
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
