are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know her cup size but not her name....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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