In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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