There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
