You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
