Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
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True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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