Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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