dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
