Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
