hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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