Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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