but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
