thus making me awesome and them whores
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
