I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
