i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Screwed.edu
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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