Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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