Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
