do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
