PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
