I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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