I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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